February 19. In less than a month will be my Dad's birthday [who has passed away]. With it being so close, I feel I need to share a piece of my past. I don't believe that I have finished dealing with his death yet, so maybe this will help ... to get it down, seems so ... I don't know, real? final? something.
My husband's cell phone woke me up on the morning of August 10, 2005 around 4am. I was very pregnant, due in just days, so the interruption in sleep was annoying. Andy answered it and long story short, we found out my Dad had been hit the night before in a hit & run accident and died. Most of my family lives about 200 miles away, so there was no visiting with my Mom, who took it the worst, of course; and I knew there would be no way I could travel to be at his funeral. I never had a chance to say good bye.
There is a lot about that day I don't remember, mainly because I think I just thought a lot. I know that I had awesome support from my family [both mine & Hubby's side] We had a houseful all day. And someone was constantly calling us.
I still remember not being able to show emotion in front of anyone. I don't know why, but it was a weird feeling. I was able to let little pieces out with Andy, but not much more.
Andy took me to the hospital maternity ward that night. Just to check and make sure Baby Princess wasn't stressed. Thankfully, she was fine. The next day I had a routine OB visit. My Dr. decided with the circumstances and my due date, it would be best if I was admitted that night.
I didn't sleep that night at the hospital. I was already having light sporadic contractions, but that wasn't it. Every time I closed my eyes, I seen Daddy there. I wasn't ready to face him. I think maybe I was mad at him. I had just talked to him on the phone that morning that he died and he told me, he would be here for me, when I brought his first grand-daughter into the world.
Let's speed things up .... the next morning they induced me and at 343pm on August 12th 2005, there was my Princess. Only 13 minutes of pushing. Beautiful, Healthy, with long toes! The nurses commented about this future little ballerina.
By that night, I wasn't feeling right and I knew it. My back hurt, my ribs & chest hurt, I was in a cold sweat .... the nurses told me it was gas and not to drink any more carbonated drinks. It didn't work, but I thought it might have something to do with the fact that my epidural had wore off 45 minutes before Princess was born.
After we got home from the hospital, there was an instance that I couldn't breathe right. I thought it was my milk coming in. Later that night, I was up feeding Princess. After I got her back down, I couldn't lay down. It hurt so bad. A few hours pass and I am having to bend over to breathe. This new day that was beginning was August 17.
My Mom & Granny were still at my house, helping me adjust to having 2 kids and just being there for me because of my Dad. So my Granny rushes me to the ER. Everyone panics and thinks I'm in labor [that is to show that I have not lost 1 pound since giving birth almost 5 days ago]
Another long story short and countless wrong conclusions, I was in Congestive Heart Failure. They injected me with Lasix and within a couple hours, they had almost 6 liters of fluid that had been inside my body. I had been drowning from the inside.
The condition that caused this is called Dilated Cardiomyopathy. And the cause? Being pregnant didn't agree with my body. They said it started with my first, LittleMan, but being pregnant a second time was too much for my heart.
In 2 days time, I went from weighing 163 pounds to weighing 138 pounds.
I was put on 5 meds, 2 just for my heart. And a low-sodium & low-fluid diet. That diet alone made my life hell for the following few months. [By the end of 7 weeks, I was down to 127 pounds] But then the news that ... if I ever got pregnant again, I wouldn't live to deliver the baby.
After that lots of things happen, my body changed, I had tubal ligation surgery, I went though panic attacks & depression. But most of all, I thrived. I lived. I grew.
That was over 2 years ago. And it still feels like yesterday. I'm still on the meds, but I took myself off the diet once my Ejection Fraction had went back as close to normal as it could get. I still watch my weight though, just to make sure I'm not holding too much fluid.
My Dad would have been turning 47 year old this year.
